Letter to a New Mammy

The letter I would write to a struggling new Mammy, or a nervous Mammy-to-be.

I see you and am here with you in spirit mammy

I see you after you're handed your new baby. You're not quite sure what to do. The instincts are there but you're not confident in your abilities yet. You can do it. Trust those instincts mammy. There is no book or manual that can prepare you. It's all within you. Follow your heart and you won't go too far wrong. 

Perhaps you didn't get to hold your baby straight away. Perhaps you had a section, so the father got those precious few hours. But you will get your time too mammy. And it's more possible than it was before to have the baby in recovery with you.

I see you struggling to get the baby to settle in the crazy hospital ward. The noise isn't what they're used to. And they're not used to the outside world yet. But they're used to you mammy. They've heard your voice from the inside mammy. You are their safe place. They know your heart beat. Hold them close.

I see you struggling to breastfeed. You're finding it difficult to get the baby to latch on. And it's sore. Your nipples are cracked and bleeding, but the compresses are helping. Ring for help if you need mammy. There is help there. The midwives are trained and ask to speak to a lactation consultant if needed. Night two feels like a never-ending feeding session.

I see you bottle feeding. You are trying to stick to a routine, but your baby is crying sooner than they're supposed to. Don't be afraid to feed a bit earlier. Trust your instincts mammy. You'll know what they want and when they want it. 

I see you when you get discharged mammy. I see you wrap the baby up lovingly and put them in the car seat. You leave the hospital thinking someone is going to stop you. Thinking what on earth did you do. You think you can't do it on your own. But you can. 

You are delighted to get home. But you are afraid of not having the midwife support any more. It is finally quieter, and your baby settles easier. You start to think that maybe you can do this after all. 

I see you mammy in the middle of the night. There are tears of tiredness falling down your face. The father didn't hear the baby crying again so you're up once more feeding. You feel like you're on your own but there are mammies everywhere doing what you're doing. This is where the baby needs to be. They need you mammy. I know it's hard, but it will get easier. They won't always be this small. 

I see you mammy as the father goes back to work. You are scared once more. But you are enough. You got this mammy. You can do it.

You don't see any adults all day and you're incredibly lonely.  You turn to your mammy group online and at least there you get some adult conversation even if it's just virtual. 

I see you when you decide to be brave and face the world. You get the baby dressed. And then try and find clothes for yourself. You struggle to find something that isn't covered in baby puke and fits your tummy that is still pretty much bump like. You settle on leggings and a dress and you hope you look ok. 

You go nervously to the mother and baby group. It is so nice to meet other mothers. You are swapping stories in no time. Soon you don't feel quite so lonely any more. You wonder why you didn't brave it before now.

I see you mammy when your confidence grows. When your baby cries you know what they want. You are learning to trust your instincts. You are getting braver. They stop crying when they get put in your arms.

It is all within you after all. You are enough mammy.