The Struggle to Conceive

Many have difficulty conceiving but just don’t talk about it. So, let’s try and change that.

Let me bring you back to the time before children.

We were a bit naive in the early days. Come off the pill. Get pregnant. Simple.

Except it wasn’t simple.

We were away for nearly a month on honeymoon. In the back of my mind was the idea that we were conceiving a baby. I had already done the positive pregnancy test in my head. I imagined how we would announce it to our family and friends.

But my period arrived and with it came disappointment. I hadn’t expected to feel like that already. We had only just started trying after all.

I tried to tell myself it was just early days and that these things take time. But I’d somehow expected it to happen straight away. Each period hurt and not just physically.

I joined a trying to conceive (TTC) forum. There were monthly trains for TTC in a particular month. There were some that were lucky that were successful quickly. But then there were others like me that joined train after train.

As I joined each one it was hard not to imagine if I get pregnant now I’ll have a June baby etc. In my head I already had that baby and was imagining if it would be a girl or a boy. I was happy for my online friends that were successful, but I so wished it to be my turn.

Month after month passed with no sign of anything happening. I imagined any little thing as a possible pregnancy symptom. My body decided to play tricks on me and my period was late a few times. Which lead to getting a pregnancy test and examining it for any little hint of a line. But there was never anything there.

Then other months instead of arriving with a bang I’d get spotting. I could have a day or two of wondering and hoping could it be implantation bleeding. But then my period would arrive fully once again.

I didn’t want to admit that there could be a problem. Not officially anyway. I didn’t want to go to the doctor.

I bought a fertility monitor which helped to pinpoint my most fertile times. It was expensive, and I was so sure it would work. But it didn’t.

Eventually after well over a year we resigned ourselves to it not happening for us. We went to the doctor who said he’d refer us to a fertility clinic.

We didn’t try to conceive that month at all. And then I just got a feeling that I was pregnant.

I did a test and it was positive. After nearly a year and a half of trying we were pregnant. The hard part was done so I thought.

Until we had a miscarriage and our hopes and dreams were shattered. I wasn’t far along but that baby was so loved already.

We got an appointment for the fertility clinic not long after but my heart wasn’t in it so I cancelled it.

I decided to try acupuncture and I loved it.

After a few months of nothing happening once more I began to think it wasn’t going to happen for us.

We decided to go back to the doctor again who said to contact the fertility clinic ourselves.

And then once again when we stopped trying we got pregnant.

The same excitement wasn’t there this time. We were afraid that it would go wrong again. 

But the pregnancy progressed perfectly. We had our first early scan on the due date of our angel. I took that to be a good sign. Our angel was looking down on us.

And now we have a gorgeous five-year-old along with a four-year-old and a two-year-old. 

In the end we had it easier than others. Two years of trying. No fertility clinic needed. And our others were conceived easily.

Talk about your problems conceiving. I wish I had.

And think before you ask someone when they’re going to have a child or a subsequent child.

Consider that maybe they’re having difficulty. Consider that maybe it’s just never going to happen for them even though they want it so much. Consider that maybe even though they may have one child the second child just isn’t possible.

Maybe you’re shattering their dreams by asking.